How to Enjoy Your Season of Singleness and Embrace the Wait
At the beginning of fall of last year, my ex & I decided to end our relationship. That was the start of what I like to call my "season of singleness". I think a season of singleness looks different for everybody, depending on why God has called you to the season and the things that you need to work on. I needed to embark on a season of singleness because I was distracted and I needed to focus on what God had called me to do in this time.
I strongly believe that God will always reveal something to you at the beginning of any season you're in, but especially your season of singleness. At the beginning of my season, God revealed to me that I was going to influence the lives of the people around me through blogging. That's when I started my blog Through Her He Speaks, and from that point on I've been growing and maturing in my purpose.
There are a lot of different ways to view your season of singleness. Often times, we view it as a negative thing. We're straight up single, lonely, and bored. I think that's a really bad way to look at it. Your season of singleness is your chance to devote all of your time to God, you, and your purpose. Your season of singleness is a time of growth and maturation. It is your time to truly invest in yourself.
With my season of singleness came the decision to commit to being celibate until I was married. I made this decision because sex was a distraction, and I was honestly tired of trying to ignore the conviction and guilt that I felt every time I did something that only gave me temporary pleasure. I went into details about my decision to be celibate over at Through Her He Speaks.
A good book to read if you've made the decision to become celibate is The Wait by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good. I loved the book because it made me realize that waiting, or making the decision to be celibate, was not only about becoming the best you for your future husband. It's also about learning how to be disciplined and have self-control. If you have the discipline and self-control to not have sex in a world where it's constantly promoted around you, you have the discipline to take control of your finances, your business, etc.
In a time where everything is relationship goals and everyone wants to be boo'd up, boo'd up (Ella Mai's voice), I think it's important to give you three tips on how to enjoy your season of singleness and embrace the wait.
Tip #1 - Learn to be content in whatever season you're in
"Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." - Philippians 4:11-13 MSG
My first tip for those in their season of singleness is to learn to be content in whatever season you're in in life. When you are able to become content in your season, and not long for more God is able to bless you where you're at. A lot of us go through our season of singleness longing for a relationship and being envious of those around us who are in one. God cannot bless jealousy. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship, but it becomes a problem when it's all you think about. Your only focus during this season should not just be becoming the best person you can be for your future partner. Your satisfaction and contentment comes from God, which leads me to tip #2.
Tip #2 - Allow God to be your comfort and become intimate with Him
I'm not going to lie, it's easy to become lonely during your season of singleness. This is the time where you have to run to God for comfort, and not send that "you up?" text to someone you know does you more harm than good. My love languages are physical touch and quality time, and I often times find myself longing for intimacy and for someone to just have around. I had to learn, and am still working on, allowing God to be my comfort and becoming intimate with Him.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says, "All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more than the good times of his healing comfort - we get a full measure of that, too."
Allowing God to be your comfort means going to Him with your problems. It means being honest with Him and telling Him that you're lonely, that you want to be held, that you wish you had someone to talk to and someone that understands you. Eventually you realize that you have all that and more in Him!
Tip #3 - Get you some business!
Tip #3 is to get you some business! Your season of singleness will be totally ineffective if all you do is sit around in your house moping about not having a boyfriend. Use this time to focus on your purpose. Use this time to develop your craft. Use this time to learn a new language, hang out with your friends, go to the gym, etc.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul writes to us about marriage and singleness. He speaks about having sex within marriage and being faithful to your partner. When he speaks to those of us that are unmarried, he says that is good for us to remain single. Verses 32-35 says, "I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions."
At the beginning of this post I said that I needed to embark on a season of singleness because I was distracted. I have to be honest and say that distractions didn't just disappear because I decided to be single. In fact, they actually came harder, but I'm learning how to discern what is and isn't a distraction, and how to press fully into God.
Your season of singleness is the perfect time for you to dedicate your heart back to God and fall fully in love with Him. Once you do that, He is able to not only mold you into the woman you need to be for your husband, but also the woman you need to be to fulfill your purpose here on earth!